“I just need to get myself together first”
What does this actually mean? When I hear this, I just do not understand what the magic moment is that people are waiting for. Do we ever have ourselves together? Who has it all together? Are you comparing yourself to someone on Instagram who appears to have it all together? Are you hoping, wishing, wanting, and praying to have it all together?
This feels like an easy out to me. I’m not a cold or unfeeling person. Really, I just want to know what specifically “having it together” looks like. I’m turning 50 years old in May, and I’m still working on getting it together daily. I’m as big a mess as anyone out there. I don’t always like myself.
I’ve thought deeply about this and I’ve concluded that the times when I don’t like myself are directly related to what I am NOT DOING.
When people reach out for help with their nutrition and fitness, I’ve learned to expect a lot of the same discussions. Not to pick on women, but men are just more simple creatures. They just say “Yeah, I’m overweight but I like to eat wings and drink beer. I eat and drink too much and don’t exercise. My numbers are X and I need to change that. Can you help me? Ok cool.” Then they do it. MOST OF THE TIME, BUT NOW ALWAYS.
Women, on the other hand, want help, but have read countless articles, books, and seen too many talk shows about why we do bad things to ourselves and how our past affects our future and how we feel about this or that crisis, causing our self-loathing! It’s all real and worth addressing (we all could use a little therapy), but nothing ever gets done. We are complicated and there are a lot of words. AN ENORMOUS NUMBER OF WORDS.
Here is a short list of some of the statements I hear from people when they come in for a free consult.
My problem is self-sabotage.
I have to get my head right first.
I need to learn to love myself.
I need to work through some things before I commit to X.
Let me get past this (so many things to put here), then I will start working on me.
I don’t have time.
I’m dealing with stuff.
I have kids.
My partner is not supportive.
My partner is too supportive (pushy) and it hurts my feelings.
My partner likes to eat out too often.
I have low self-esteem.
I can’t get out of my own way.
I’m disgusted with myself.
I start strong, but then quit.
I don’t recognize myself anymore.
This is not who I want to be.
I’ve lost the drive to change.
I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.
We are bombarded as a society with reasons for our behaviors that seem perfectly justifiable. We can slap labels on ourselves and move on as if we are not in control of our own choices. If we are looking for reasons not to inflict discomfort on ourselves, we can find those anywhere. But if we wait until all things are perfect and in a pretty little package, we will waste our years in an unhealthy place of “someday”. I will tell you how to start loving yourself TODAY.
START DOING SOMETHING!
You are not going to magically wake up one morning with confidence and self-respect. You have to earn that, just like everyone else. Accomplish one thing that can move you closer to the person you have been wishing you could be. That thing can be a small as you need it to be. A small step forward is still movement. This is the foundation of our coaching philosophy at RCCF. The love for yourself will begin to grow a little more with each good decision. Keep doing that. Confidence, pride, and self-worth come with consistent movement in the direction of your best self. This isn’t easy, but you better believe it’s simple. No one ever accomplished greatness without some pain. Can you think of at least one big thing in your life that made you proud? It hurt a little didn’t it? Was it worth it? Damn right!
Need a mentor?
Seek one (or a few) out! People who have done this are eager to help others. It’s the best part of humanity. It still exists out there. People are mostly good. It’s proven to me daily.
Need a coach?
Find one that will not accept anything less than your potential! A good coach will not let you talk yourself into selling yourself short. Stop talking so much and take some action. You need a coach who believes in you when you don’t. Find someone you trust but someone who is tough on you. One day in the very near future, you will believe in yourself!
That is the community we foster at Rock City Complete Fitness. The past three years of learning about the nature of people has taught us so much. Everyone needs to belong. Everyone has moments of self-doubt. Everyone wants results. Everyone needs someone to say, “Oh yes you can!”
Now stop waiting for the imaginary land of “getting myself together” and start working, because time is ticking away. See you soon!